hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
