I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
