Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
