dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
