so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
