she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
