how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
