Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
