Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
