3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
