We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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