hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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