how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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