Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
