you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
