I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
