Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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