god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I didn't shave. On purpose
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
