Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
