my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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