I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
