When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
