Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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