masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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