She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
