Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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