He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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