A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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