My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
