There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
