Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
