sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
