PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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