wrigley field is MILF paradise
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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