You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
