Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
