she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
