I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
