Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
