I showed him my bush... on skype.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
