yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
