So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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