I could make wine with my vomit
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
