Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
