yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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