If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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