hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
