Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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