Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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