if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
