first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
