He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
